Left in the Darkness
by girlinabar
Summary: Meredith and Derek are married. But when Derek leaves her to go to Seattle, all sorts of trouble arises. What happens when he meets a redhead and starts an affair with her? What will Meredith do when she finds out? All she can do is hope that an unsalvageable marriage can be saved from utter destruction. Kind of a crossover between season 11 and early season 2. MERDER PAIRING.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hola! So just to introduce you all to this story: it is set at the end of season 1/beginning of season 2, however it loosely follows the plot of season 11. Meredith and Derek are married, however he moved from New York to Seattle when he got the opportunity to become the head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace, Meredith decided to stay in New York because she had just started her internship at Mount Sinai Hospital. They don't have any kids in this story.**_

 _ **DEREK DOES NOT DIE**_ _ **, I am not that cruel and I get too emotional to watch it, let alone write it, so he is safe.**_

 _ **Pairing is Meredith and Derek.**_

 _ **Enjoy :)**_

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Meredith was nervous, she had somehow managed to get the weekend off so she could go visit her husband in Seattle. It had been two months since she had last seen him, and they had barely even spoken since he had arrived. The way they left things in New York was not good, and she was starting to seriously miss him- she didn't want to lose him. They were Meredith and Derek, the one couple that was meant to last forever, and yet here she was, nervous about seeing him for the first time in two months. He had left New York to become the head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, while she had stayed in New York to do her internship at Mount Sinai Hospital. Meredith had made the decision based on her life in New York- her mother was there, Derek's entire family was there, she had friends there, she couldn't just up and leave, abandoning them all. Of course, she also chose to stay because Mount Sinai is one of the most prestigious hospitals in the entire country, but so was Seattle Grace, so in her mind that point was moot. Derek, however, had made the decision to leave completely based on his career. It was a huge step for him, and she knew that, but he totally disregarded her and their life when he decided he was going to move to Seattle. He hadn't even seemed to care when she said she couldn't come with him.

So that leaves her in her current predicament, wondering what Derek's reaction would be when he saw her. She walked into Seattle Grace Hospital- the only place she knew of in Seattle where Derek could be, he had never told her where he was currently living. She figured that at least if she couldn't find him at the hospital she could go find Richard Webber- her mother's old friend and Derek's former teacher.

As Meredith approached the nurses station to ask for her husband to be paged down to her, she noticed something in her peripheral vision. She saw Derek holding hands with another woman, smiling brightly. It looked as if the two were heading out together, probably back to his place. The woman was tall, with inconceivably long legs, and luscious curly red hair. She looked like a million dollars. Meredith was suddenly self-conscious, she pulled her coat tighter around her body and braced herself for what she was about to face. She knew she had to confront him about it, or he wouldn't even know that she knew. Or he would just avoid the issue and pretend like he wasn't a cheating bastard.

She started walking towards them when Derek looked up and saw her, when their eyes met her heart dropped to her stomach, she regretted approaching them. She saw him murmur something to the woman as she got closer and she took a deep breath as she took the final steps towards them.

"Meredith," Derek said coldly when she reached them, "What are you doing here?" Meredith was stunned to silence, anger seething through her body. "You'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls," she retorted angrily. She then turned to the woman he was standing with, she looked completely lost, she obviously had no idea what was going on, so Meredith decided to clear up the situation for her. "Hi, I'm Meredith Shepherd," she smiled at her, "you must be the woman who's screwing my husband." She accused her, no sense of doubt in her voice. The woman shook her hand uncertainly and Meredith glared at her. She then withdrew her hand, looked at Derek sadly and walked out the hospital.

She had nowhere to go, this wasn't how she imagined this weekend to go. She thought things would be a little awkward at first, but that he would be glad to see her. Instead she found him hand in hand with another woman, being nothing but icy towards her. She felt like crying, but Meredith Grey does not cry, at least not in public. She picked up the bag she had left by the nurses and went off in search for a taxi to take her to a hotel. She told the taxi driver to take her to the nicest hotel in town, she would charge Derek's credit card, she didn't care.

When she arrived at the hotel she got a room and dumped her stuff unceremoniously on the floor. She then fell on to the bed and started crying, she knew she shouldn't cry over him, that she shouldn't cry over someone who was so obviously over her and their relationship, but she couldn't help it. She had been in love with him for five years, married for three, and now that was all just meant to stop. She had come to Seattle so they could work on their marriage, not so it could be completely torn apart. She knew that the universe and her hadn't the best track record, but this was a step too far. This type of thing could only happen to her.

After an hour of intermittently crying and getting angry, she decided she needed to stop before she got seriously dehydrated. She finished the bottle of water that was in her bag and had a quick shower, allowing a few tears to escape while she was in there. She rationalised to herself that it didn't count because you couldn't tell they were tears and not water from the shower. She stepped out the shower, grabbing a fluffy dressing gown from the back of the bathroom door and walked back into the bedroom.

She hunted for her phone in her bag and called the one person she knew would be able to comfort her and calm her down. She waited while the phone rang, after four rings the phone was finally answered. "Hello?" Said the other person tiredly. Meredith berated herself in her mind, it was late in New York: past 11 o'clock. "Mark," she said, her voice breaking at the end of his name, she was still determined not to cry, and so she swallowed deeply, hoping that that would also help her swallow her emotions. However, Mark knew her too well to brush it off, instantly knowing something was wrong with her. "Meredith, what's wrong? Did you see Derek? Did you make up?" He asked her, wondering what was up with her. Even though he couldn't see her, Meredith shook her head. "He-he-he," stuttered, unable to get the sentence out of her mouth without breaking down into another round of tears. Mark said comforting words into her ear, trying to calm her down. After five minutes Meredith had calmed down enough to be able to tell Mark what had happened. "I saw him, he was with another woman, who looked like a freaking goddess, and he treated me as if I had just ran over his entire family with my car. He hates me, I didn't even do anything wrong. I should be the one who hates him. He's got a whole new life here, and an insanely gorgeous girlfriend that I can't even be compared to. She's the complete opposite of me- tall, redhead, high heels, sophisticated, probably got her life together unlike me. He's moved on to someone anyone could only dream to be with. There's no hope for us anymore. I want to come home," She cried to him, she knew that even if he didn't completely understand what was happening, he would be on her side. Ever since Derek had left, Mark had done everything to help her get happy again. It was because of him that she was finally ready to see Derek again and try to fix their marriage. "Shhh, it's okay Meredith, it's okay. Maybe she was just a colleague?" He tried to stay optimistic for her. "He was holding her hand, they were smiling and laughing. If I didn't know he had a wife I would certainly think they were in a relationship. And I know he has a wife and that wife thinks they're in a relationship." Meredith said more harshly than she had intended, but she didn't really mind because she knew Mark wouldn't care. "Speak to him, find out what is happening with him." Mark suggested calmly. "I don't want to speak to him. I never want to see him again, this was the last straw. I'm packing up all of the stuff I have left in Seattle and shipping it to New York, I don't want any ties to this awful city. My mother will just have to deal with half of her things going in storage, not that she'll notice anyway." Their conversation continued on like that for a while, eventually Mark had calmed her down enough to convince her to stay for the whole weekend like she had planned, if not to talk to Derek then to sort through her mother's old possessions. And he had assured her that when she returned back to New York he would be there to comfort her and help her through this hard time.

Meredith thought about ordering room service, but she couldn't bring herself to speak to anyone. She fell asleep at 3 AM after exhausting herself from crying so much. Never in a million years would she have thought her life would turn out like this. When she met Derek she thought she was done with all the heartbreak and the hurt, apparently not, she thought bitterly to herself.

She wondered to herself if Derek would even try to contact her, or if he would continue ignoring her like he had done the past two months. She knew that for the sake of her own sanity she had to try to avoid him for as long as possible, she definitely couldn't speak to him for the next couple of days, and she didn't know if she would ever be able to look him in his gorgeous, cheating eyes again.

Seattle sucked.

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 _Okay, so that was the first chapter, let me know what you think! I've had this story on my mind for a while, so I'm really excited about writing it. Next chapter should hopefully be posted soon._

 _I've had a little writer's block for Lost and Insecure, but hopefully a new chapter for that story will be posted soon as well._

 _Please, please, please leave a review telling me what you think of this story._

 _Thanks for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Meredith woke up with a blistering headache and an overwhelming feeling of sickness. She knew that it was because she was dehydrated from all of the crying she had done the night prior, but she didn't have any water left to drink. She thought again about calling for room service, but she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror opposite the bed and decided it was best to save scaring people with her appearance until later on in the day. Instead she opted for simply refilling her bottle with water from the tap in the bathroom.

While filling up her water she studied her reflection in the big mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen, clearly showing that she had been crying a lot, either that or she'd been sprayed with pepper spray. Her face was all red and blotchy, all the life had been sucked out of it. Her appearance truly did reflect how she felt on the inside.

Meredith decided she wasn't in the mood to put any makeup on, she probably wasn't going to see anyone anyway. Well she hoped she wouldn't see anyone, she was going to try her best to avoid everyone in this god forsaken city. Meredith knew that she needed to hide her face so as not to scare the children, so she bought a pair of big black sunglasses from a shop down the road and went on her way to start the errands her mother had tasked her with.

She got out the taxi when it pulled up outside her childhood home. She took a deep breath and looked at it, it's appearance hadn't changed at all. She walked up the steps leading to the front door and peered around the front of the house, she nudged the swing on the porch to see if it still moved. To her surprise it moved a little, not without making a loud creaking sound, making Meredith realise that it probably wouldn't be the best idea to sit on it. Meredith fished around in her bag for the set of keys her mother had given her before she unlocked the door. Everything was dusty, there was sheets over all the furniture, all of the items that used to be displayed across the house was now in boxes that hadn't been touched in years. Meredith put her stuff on the ground and started looking at the stuff in the boxes. The first box she found was full of old medical journals, Meredith thought about going through them to see which ones she should keep, but knowing her mother she only read the best ones, so she decided that she'd need to ship them to herself in New York. The second box she came across was filled with small black books. Meredith's curiosity piked and she decided to see what was in them. She took one out and started to read it. It was her mother's old diaries, filled with the secret mysteries of her childhood. Meredith wasn't surprised when most of the diary was about surgery, but there were a few things mentioned about her and her father. Half way through the diary she was reading, her mother's tone began to change and she stopped talking about her surgeries as much as before. It appeared she had a new object of her affection, one that surprised Meredith so much she gasped out loud: Richard Webber. Meredith had known that her mother had been friends with him, but she didn't know they had been former lovers. Pieces of Meredith's broken childhood started making sense now: Thatcher had left because Ellis was cheating on him, she was dragged to Boston because things between Richard and her mother hadn't turned out well, and her mother's absence had been because when she wasn't in surgery she was spending time with this man. This man she once thought of as a mentor, part of the family. Meredith was seething, she had to confront him about it. He was the reason her childhood was so messed up, and she needed to talk to him about it.

Meredith hailed another taxi and told the driver to take her to the hospital. She kept her sunglasses on as she walked into the hospital, she walked up to the nurse's station and asked where she could find the chief. She was told that he was in surgery, but that he'd be out soon and she could wait in his office in the meantime. Meredith decided she was less conspicuous if she took her sunglasses off, besides her eyes were probably less red by now. She kept her head down as she made her way to Richard's office, silently praying she wouldn't see Derek or his girlfriend.

Thankfully Meredith didn't see anyone and made it to Richard's office completely undetected. She sat on the sofa in his office and waited for him to come back from surgery. After around an hour of waiting, Meredith started to get hungry, realising she hadn't eaten anything that day. She figured she'd either see Richard while she got some food, or she'd be so quick he wouldn't have come back from surgery yet.

Meredith eyed the food in the cafeteria, none of it was particularly appealing to her, hospital food is renowned for being bad, afterall. So, instead of getting proper food, Meredith opted for a strawberry milkshake. She paid for it and started leaving the room, sipping her drink. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Derek, with the redhead once again. She couldn't believe she would just go back to him after finding out he was married. She noticed him notice her and so she practically ran out of the cafeteria and back to Richard's office. She got on the elevator and pressed the button for the floor she needed. She thought she could see Derek approaching her, so she manically pressed the button that makes the doors close. The doors finally closed right when Derek reached the elevator, and Meredith looked down to avoid his gaze. She breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back against the wall of the elevator, her hands gripping the metal bar. She made sure to compose herself before the doors opened again, and then made her way back to Richard's office.

She only had to wait for half an hour this time for him to arrive, in the meantime she sent a text to Mark, knowing he would love to know what she was doing.

 _My mother had a secret affair with Richard Webber._

She sent him. She knew he'd appreciate the drama that was her life, she had to admit if she wasn't involved in all of the drama, she'd probably find it very interesting too. But because she was involved in it, it was just annoying and heartbreaking.

When the door opened Meredith looked up and gripped her phone, now was the time to finally do this. "Meredith, how nice to see you, I didn't know you were in Seattle, you should have called. I'm sure Adele would love to see you." Richard said as he moved to sit at his desk. Meredith glared at him for a moment before she spoke up, she hoped her voice wasn't scratchy seeing as she had barely spoken to anyone the whole day. "You had an affair with my mother when I was five years old." She said dully, not leaving any room for him to deny it. Richard looked taken aback for a moment before he nodded. "You're the reason my father abandoned me, and you're the reason my mother shipped us off to Boston in the middle of the night." Her voice was cold, her eyes hard. She examined his face, looking for any sign of regret. "I'm sorry, Meredith," he said sadly. Meredith laughed a bitter laugh, "I'm sure you are, that's why you also tried to break up my marriage by asking Derek to come here?" She said menacingly before a thought came to her. "And let me guess, you also knew about the girlfriend and chose not to tell me." Meredith felt like she was going to cry once again, and so she stood up from her spot on the couch. "You are a coward and a liar, and I'm glad my mother was able to get away from you, maybe Adele will have the right sense to do so too." With that Meredith stormed out of his office and went off to find somewhere quiet and dark so that she could cry without anyone knowing.

Meredith found an empty exam room and walked in, she shut all of the blinds and sat on the bed, her head instantly moving to her hands. She couldn't believe she could be so blind to everything in her life. She felt betrayed by everyone in her life, she didn't know how she had ended up here. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket, and so she looked at it, it was a text from Mark. She wiped her eyes and opened the text.

 _What a naughty girl ;)_

Read the text, Meredith laughed out loud, he always knew how to make her laugh even when she really didn't want to. A moment later her phone vibrated again with another text from him.

 _You alright?_

Meredith smiled. He truly was the most amazing friend anyone could ask for. She replied to his text immediately, hoping that he would have the time to respond just as quickly, but she knew he was working so it was quite unlikely.

 _No, but maybe I will be once I get out of this horrible place._

She shut her phone and placed it in her pocket so that she would know immediately when Mark replied to her. She wiped her eyes once more, trying to make it look like she hadn't been crying at all before she walked out of the exam room. "Oh, sorry," she said as she bumped into someone. "Watch where you're going," the man in light blue scrubs said as he walked off. She noticed a short woman also in light blue scrubs telling him off when he reached the end of the corridor, but he didn't seem to be too bothered. 'Ass' Meredith thought before she made her way back to the elevator.

The elevator was filled with both patients' families and doctors, so Meredith didn't have to worry about having to talk to any asshole neurosurgeons or any gorgeous redheads. She got to the ground floor and walked towards the doors. She looked to her left, the chairs in the waiting room were almost all taken, but all she saw was the memory of seeing her husband with another woman. She shook her head slightly to try to get the memory out of her mind as she walked out of the doors of the hospital, hopefully never to return again.

The rest of the day Meredith spent cleaning out the rest of the house, making sure to avoid her mother's diaries. She had found some pictures from when she was a child, some were with her father, but in most she was by herself. She wondered what would've happened if her and her mother had stayed in Seattle, she would probably be doing her internship at Seattle Grace, she would have never met Derek, which in light of recent events probably would have been a good thing. She had sorted most of the downstairs in the boxes by 7 o'clock that evening, she hadn't even realised that amount of time had flown by that quickly. She decided she needed to find something to eat, and so she went to find the nearest fast food restaurant, not caring about how unhealthy it is. She quickly finished up and then made her way back to her hotel.

She checked her phone, she had a few texts from Mark and a missed call from her mother-in-law. Nothing from Derek, he really didn't care about her anymore. She knew she needed to talk to him, figure out what is going on between them, and if there was anyway they could work things out if she was willing to do so. On the one hand she still loved him and she was desperate to be with him, but on the other he had cheated on her and he didn't even care, he hadn't called, texted, or emailed in the past few months. It was like he completely forgot she even existed and she didn't want to be in a marriage like that. She knew things had been difficult between the couple, but she never thought he would do something like this or behave in the way he is.

She decided to text Mark back, but ignored the call from Carolyn Shephard, she couldn't bring herself to speak to any Shephards at the moment. She also didn't want his mother to call him up after she spoke to her, because she knew that would inevitably happen. His mother cared too much not to get involved.

The next day she went to investigate about shipping everything in her mother's house to New York. She was told that they'd only be able to do it in a month, and that she'd have to be there to let them in the house or they wouldn't be able to do it. Meredith didn't feel like arguing and so she just agreed to come back in a month, she would only come for that one day and then she would be off again.

Meredith went to the dock to watch the ferryboats and think about life. She watched the boats dock and then travel off to their destinations. They worked like clockwork, mesmerising Meredith. She lost track of time as she sat and watched the ferryboats. They brought, now sad, memories to the forefront of her mind. She and Derek always used to go on the ferryboats back in New York, up until they started arguing about their jobs and moving to Seattle. Derek had actually proposed while they were on a ferryboat, which made Meredith incredibly sad. Something that was once so dear to her has now been completely ruined.

Later she went back to her hotel, packed up her things and checked out of the hotel. She went to the airport and smiled as she left Seattle, finally able to return to her normal life. She texted Mark not to worry about picking her up from the airport and that she'd see him tomorrow at work and she better be on his service. Meredith felt relieved as soon as Seattle was out of sight, and slept for the rest of the 5 ½ hour journey.

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 _That's chapter 2 finished! Knowing me, chapter 3 will be up shortly as well, and hopefully there will be a few more merder scenes. The next chapter will jump to when Meredith has to come back to sort everything out for her mother, so it should be good._

 _I'm really enjoying writing this story, so I hope you're all enjoying reading it. I have a busy week next week, so I'm trying to write as much as I can now before I get too busy._

 _Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed!_

 _Please remember to review and thanks for reading :)_


	3. Chapter 3

A month later Meredith was back in Seattle, however this time she was not alone. She had convinced Mark to come with her in the short trip, so that she wouldn't have to deal with everything alone. However, because he had also been scouted by Richard Webber, they had to stay another day so that he could talk to his former teacher and decline his offer. Meredith wasn't too happy about staying longer than necessary, but she had agreed to another day in the city she hated if it meant she had him here as backup.

Since the last time Meredith had been in Seattle, she had lost a lot of weight, looking almost paper thin. She had been working on overdrive, not taking the time to look after herself in the meantime. She had been working a lot to take her mind off of her problems at home, and so that she could avoid looking at the pictures of them both in their house. This was another reason why Mark had insisted on coming with her to Seattle, he needed to make sure she was alright and looked after herself while they were away.

Throughout the entire month Meredith hadn't heard anything from Derek, he hadn't even texted her. She didn't understand it, it was almost as if he was punishing her, even though she was the victim in this situation and hadn't done anything wrong. She should be the one ignoring him, but she hadn't even been given the opportunity to do so because he was, probably, too busy with his girlfriend instead of his wife.

Mark and Meredith stayed in the same hotel Meredith stayed in the last time, partly because it was so nice, and partly because it was so close to everything in town. They got some lunch together and then went to the hospital so Mark could speak to the chief. Meredith sat outside, studying about neurofibromatosis. She had her legs cross and her head tucked into the book, so she was pretty oblivious to the people around her. She didn't even notice when someone sat down next to her. She looked up when she heard them clear their throat. When Meredith saw who it was she held the book to her chest and moved back in her seat, trying to get as far away from them as she could. "Need any help?" He asked with his old charming smile. Meredith just stared at him in shock, this was the first time they had spoken since she had found him with the redhead. "You know I'm this top fancy neurosurgeon, also a very good teacher, I could help you." Meredith just stared at him, her eyes wide and scared with hint of anger seeping through. "I broke up with Addison," he tried once more, trying to get her to speak to him. Meredith's stomach flipped, but she wasn't excited or happy at the thought of him dumping his girlfriend. He had still cheated, he had still been an asshole, and Meredith was still hurt and unwilling to hear it from him. If he really did want her back then he should have called, he should have started grovelling and apologising from the minute she found out, but he hadn't, he'd ignored her, and he had been an asshole to her. Meredith looked away from him, she wasn't ready for this, she couldn't see him and not feel hurt and betrayed. She didn't even fully believe that he had ended things with his girlfriend, she toyed with the idea that she had broken up with him, and now that she was there he felt lonely and was trying to take advantage of a bad situation. She went back to reading, deciding that she couldn't talk to him just yet, and especially not in as public place as the middle of the hospital. Derek could easily tell the petite woman had gotten even smaller since their last encounter, and he put his hand on her shoulder in an effort to make it more intimate between them. "Meredith," he said in a whisper. She continued reading, and in turn ignoring him. She shrugged his hand off her shoulder and sat up a little straighter to stretch her back and to silently tell him to stop talking to her. "Mer," he tried again softly. He placed his hand on her arm which made her jump up. She glared at him before she walked into Richard's office, completely interrupting his meeting with Mark. Mark turned around to look at her, she looked completely broken. He quickly wrapped up his meeting with Richard and lead Meredith out of his office. He had an arm draped around her shoulders in an embrace as they exited the office, Meredith held him close to her. Derek was still sitting outside the office when they left, he glared at Mark. His former best friend was now taking the side of his wife over him, he couldn't believe it. "Mark," he called after them, he at least wanted to talk to his best friend if his wife wasn't going to say anything to him. Mark turned both of them around, and pulled Meredith closer to him, as if to shield her from Derek. "Hey, how's your girlfriend?" Mark said bluntly, he was pissed off at Derek for hurting Meredith. Derek looked at the ground in shame, "That's what I thought," Mark said as he pulled Meredith away.

Once they were out of earshot Meredith finally spoke up. "He's trying to pretend that nothing happened, and he touched me, and he apparently broke up with his girlfriend." She said with a pained and confused expression on her face. "But whether he did or not doesn't matter because he still cheated, and he didn't apologise, he didn't call, or visit, and he's an arrogant ass who thinks he can just take me back whenever he wants." Meredith explained her antics to him. Mark nodded in understanding, "He doesn't deserve to have you back, Mer. But you do need to decide what you want to do, you need to think about whether or not your marriage is worth saving and if you can save it." Meredith nodded, knowing his words were true. "I couldn't even bring myself to speak to him," she said quietly. "I know, Mer, but it'll be okay, you have time to think, then you can talk to him about whatever it is you decide to do." He gave her a squeeze for comfort.

Suddenly Meredith stopped and gripped on to Mark's arm, looking straight ahead of her. "That's her. She's the one who slept with Derek." She nodded her head towards Addison who was standing at the nurse's station doing charts. "Woah, she's hot." Mark said without thinking, earning him a hit in the stomach from Meredith. "You're hotter though," Mark said quickly, trying to save his own ass. Meredith rolled her eyes and walked off towards the elevator.

Meredith and Mark were huddled over a half finished pizza in her mother's house. They had finished sorting through everything for the shipping people to collect it tomorrow. "What if we can't work things out between us?" She asked him suddenly. "Then you'll get a divorce and both go your separate ways. If you can't work things out then obviously it wasn't meant to be and you'll find that person that it is meant to be." Meredith nodded sadly, "How are we even meant to work things out when he lives on the other side of the country?" Mark shrugged, "That's for you to figure out, Mer." Meredith nodded and pushed the leftover pizza towards him "You've been eyeing this the entire conversation, just eat it already." She smiled and leaned against the sofa that was behind her.

Once Meredith was ready to go to bed, she decided to take her phone out of her bag, where she had put it to ignore the outside world. She went to Derek's contact name and hovered over his number for a minute. She thought about calling him, but he knew he voice too well for her to be able to stay cool and collected, she also knew that if she called him he would try to talk to her there and then, which she really was not ready for. So, instead, she opted for the easier option and decided to text him.

 _We need to talk. Meet me at the docks at 3 tomorrow._

Meredith hesitated before she sent it, wondering for a moment if it was really what she wanted to do. After a minute's consideration, she decided to just press send. She rationalised that she could always just back out tomorrow and tell him she wasn't ready. He'd have to allow her to do at least that if he wanted her to forgive him. Meredith then shut her phone and went to sleep. She had a big day tomorrow, she would need her rest.

* * *

 _Two in one day, yasssss._

 _I'm thinking of changing the name of this story, anyone got any suggestions?_

 _Please remember to review and thank you for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Meredith woke up early, she got some coffee and breakfast with Mark before they went to her mother's house to supervise the people taking her mother's things. She watched them take away the remnants of her childhood, getting a little sad over having to move all of her mother's things to New York, without the help of any of her loved ones apart from Mark. She was eternally grateful to Mark, she didn't know if she would be able to get through this without him.

The shipping people had been done pretty quickly, so Meredith had some time to think about what she was going to say to Derek. She knew that once she saw him she'd probably have some trouble saying it, and she'll probably get emotional on him. She cursed him for that. Before she met him she was able to hide her emotions amazingly, but he had gotten her to open up and reveal her innermost thoughts, and now she wasn't able to reel them back in. But she did know that despite not quite being able to forgive him just yet, she was willing to give it a try. If not for her own peace of mind then for their marriage vows. They said they wouldn't run, and even though he had, she was not willing to go back on a vow.

When Meredith arrived at the docks it was pretty quiet, a ferry had just left, and so there were more people leaving than there were arriving. She looked out at the water, watching all the movement around her. She started to think about the first time she had been on a ferryboat with Derek.

 _Flashback_

 _Meredith was wearing a tight fitting black dress, her hair was loosely curled and loose around her shoulders. She wore black heels and some light makeup. She often checked to make sure her hair looked alright and not too windswept. She looked to her right and there he was, looking out over the water. He looked so calm, peaceful, she wondered why he wasn't freaking out like she was. This was, after all, their first date, and Meredith was already completely smitten with him._

" _I can't believe you've never been on a ferryboat before. How long have you lived in New York?" He asked her, turning to face her. "I moved from Boston six months ago. They don't have ferryboats in Boston." Meredith answered, slightly embarrassed that she had never actually been on one before. She had to admit, they were pretty great, but that could be biased because she was here with an amazing, cute, funny, intelligent guy. He shook his head, "Still unacceptable," he joked with a small laugh, "Stick with me and you'll forget about a life without ferryboats." Meredith laughed, she didn't quite understand his obsession with them, but she found it cute that he was so passionate about them. "I'll keep that in mind," Meredith smiled at him. Derek nodded and grinned at her._

Meredith smiled at the memory, that had been hands down the best date she had ever been on. He had taken her to a fancy restaurant and romanced her the entire night. It was from that night onwards that she started falling in love with him, and every day she fell even more, up until around four months ago. With that thought the smile on Meredith's face instantly faded. The last time she had been on a ferryboat with Derek hadn't been quiet so sweet.

 _Flashback_

 _Meredith had her arms crossed over her chest as she stared intently at the water passing them by. "You can't just up and move to Seattle without even considering how I feel about it." She said frustratedly. "Meredith, this is an amazing opportunity for me, it's everything I've worked for. It's everything my life has lead up to." Derek said, leaning on the banister of the boat. He didn't bother looking at her, he knew what her expression was. He knew that she was angry and hurt, but he needed to do this for himself, he knew that he would end up resenting her if he didn't take this position, and he really didn't want that. "Well what about my amazing opportunity as an intern at Mount Sinai- it's one of the best hospitals in the country Derek!" She said incredulously, he was being selfish, it was like he didn't even care about her career. "There's a position for you to do your internship at Seattle Grace, it's an amazing hospital." He tried to reason with her. Meredith shot him an angry look. "No. No, I will not become my father. Thatcher only got his job at Seattle Grace because they wanted Ellis so badly, no, I will not make my career off of being your wife. I am not Thatcher." Derek then whispered, "No, because you're behaving just like Ellis." Meredith glared at him, "What did you just say?" She asked angrily. Derek sighed, "I said you're behaving just like Ellis. You're being selfish, Mer. Please just do this one thing for me. It's all I've ever wanted." Meredith was shocked at his last sentence, it hurt her that he thought his career was more important than their relationship, and that he wanted it more than he wanted her. "Fine. Go, just go, then. Enjoy being a fancy hotshot head of neurosurgery." Meredith walked away from him then, her arms still crossed over her chest. They had made the transition of trying to keep everyone out, to trying to help her hold herself together. Her head hung low as she looked for a place to sit while the boat continued on its journey._

After that argument Meredith spent the night at a friend's house. When she arrived home the next morning he had left, with not so much as a note to say goodbye. Her eyes hardened as she looked back on her memories, he had hurt her so much, and that was even before all the cheating.

After half an hour of waiting for him, Meredith was just about ready to leave. She thought he had changed his mind and didn't want her back, that he had gone back to his redhead girlfriend, but then she felt a hand on her shoulder. Derek sat down next to her on the bench, he looked nervous, his hair wasn't its usual perfect self, instead it was quite messy, conveying to Meredith that he had ran his hand through his hair a lot, something he only did when he was stressed or anxious. "You're late." She said coldly, consciously trying to rid her voice of any emotion. "Surgery overran," he said shortly, another sign that he was nervous. Meredith sat back against the back of the bench and crossed her legs. She clasped her hands together in front of her and continued to look at the ferryboats, one was just about to dock into the harbour. After a few minutes of silence, and Meredith staring at the water, and Derek staring at her, Derek finally spoke up. "So… you wanted to talk?" He even sounded nervous, which almost made Meredith smile. She simply nodded her head in response, feeling the overwhelming urge to run in the opposite direction. When she didn't say anything, Derek had to prompt her once again. "What did you want to talk about?" Meredith shifted her gaze from the water to her hands. "Why didn't you call?" She asked, skirting around her original purpose of asking him here. "I didn't think you wanted to hear from me." He replied. "For two months?" She questioned. He simply shrugged in response, not knowing how to explain his actions towards her. "So what? You got lonely, turned on the charm, and found yourself a girlfriend?" Meredith gulped, trying to swallow down her emotions. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself down, "Listen, I didn't come here to argue with you, as much as I'd like to, that wasn't the purpose of being here." She glanced at him quickly before looking back over the water. He was looking at her, watching her every move. She started playing with her fingers, something she did when she was nervous, she clicked her fingers and then balled them into fists. "Unlike some people, I take our wedding vows seriously, I vowed not to run and so I won't run. I'm willing to give us another try, but this isn't me forgiving you, you've still got a long way to go before that. And I don't know if I can trust you, so you're going to have to find a way for that to happen again. And I still don't want to move to Seattle, and I think you're an asshole for moving to Seattle. I also think you're an ass for not even calling me, and you're the biggest ass for cheating on me with someone who's way better than me. But most of all you're just an asshole, and I don't trust you, and I certainly don't like you right now." Meredith rambled, trying to get a grip on her emotions. "You're willing to forgive me?" Derek asked, sounding surprised and hopeful. "I'm willing to **try** to forgive you," she amended his question. Derek couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face, he was certain she was going to ask for a divorce. "Thank you, Mer, so much, you have no idea how much this means to me. I'm going to do everything possible to make you trust me again." He said, sounding a little desperate. Meredith nodded and looked at the silver watch on her wrist, "I should probably get going, don't want to miss my flight." She stood up and looked at him, "Bye, Derek." Derek, too, stood up. "Wait, let me drive you to your hotel, save you from getting a cab." Derek asked, wanting to spend more time with her, even if it was going to be awkward. Meredith just shook her head, "I'm fine getting a cab," she insisted. "It's really no problem at all," he persisted, knowing that if he persisted enough she'd just give in and say yes. Meredith sighed, "Fine," she said, not wanting to argue with him anymore.

The car journey home was painfully awkward, before they had their fallout they could sit in silence for hours and have it not be awkward, they would just enjoy each other's company. However, know the air was filled with tension; he wanted to speak to her about everything, but he knew if he did then he would blow his chance with her, and she just wished she was alone, wanting to evaluate the situation and maybe even have another cry again. When they pulled up outside her hotel, Derek turned to face her, "Thank you so much again, Mer. It really does mean a lot to me that you're going to give us another try." He sounded pleading, almost uncertain of his own words. Meredith nodded, "Mhm," she simply responded as she took off her seat-belt. "I'll see you soon," Derek said, it didn't sound like a statement, more like a question, as if he needed her permission to see her. Meredith nodded once more and got out the car. "Bye," she said softly before she closed the door and walked into the hotel. Derek watched after her, "Bye," he responded, even though she couldn't hear him.

Meredith walked straight into Mark's room, not even bothering to knock. She used the spare key he had given her. She sat on his bed and waited for him to come out the bathroom. When he finally did come out, he was far from decent. He was drying his hair with a towel, letting everything else hang freely in plane sight. He screamed when he saw her, she screamed and immediately covered her eyes when she saw him. "Oh my god, my eyes, it burns, oh it burns." She shouted, only half joking. "You know, most women would pay to see this," he said, a smirk forming on his lips. He covered himself up with the towel as Meredith spoke, "Yeah, but I am not most women," she pointed to her wedding ring, whilst still covering her eyes. "Speaking of, how did it go?" Mark asked her as he pulled on some boxers. "Is it safe?" She asked, wondering if she could remove her hands from her eyes. "I mean, I'm always safe, but yes." He joked as he pulled on jeans and a T-shirt. "I told him what we discussed, not quite in the manner we decided on, but I still told him." She explained. Mark nodded, "How did he respond?" He asked her. "He was happy, said he was glad we're giving it another try." Mark sat down next to her, "And how do you feel about that?" He felt almost like her therapist, but he knew she needed to talk about it all or she'd just bottle everything up. "I don't know." She rested her head on his shoulder, a tear slipping out of her eye. His arm snaked around her waist, holding her close to comfort her.

* * *

 _So, some of you asked for more backstory, so I've decided that the next few chapters will include flashbacks- they will most probably be of the months they spent apart and occasionally before Derek moved to Seattle. You have also asked for some Mama Shepherd scenes, and I promise, there is at least one coming your way. I'm not promising it'll be in the next chapter, but it'll definitely be soon!_

 _I just wanted to say thank you to Patsy, Gina, and MerderCute for your reviews, they really make me smile and give me a lot of inspiration and motivation to write._

 _Thanks for reading, and please remember to review. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

Meredith needed someone to comfort her, someone other than Mark. She felt bad about being so needy over the past few months, and she needed someone who would give the motherly touch. She knew she couldn't go her mother, she wasn't loving or caring at all, she wouldn't understand anyway. So, she decided she would pay a visit to her mother-in-law. She knew that she would give an unbiased opinion, because although Derek was her son, she was like a daughter to her, and Carolyn had always been more than welcoming to her.

Meredith thought back over the last two weeks since she left Seattle, Derek had either called or texted her every day. And although she didn't always respond or pick up, she appreciated the effort. However, it annoyed her that she had to speak to him for him to finally realise that he had something to apologise for and that to do so he'd actually have to speak to her. She needed to talk to someone to give her an idea of what to do, because she was completely at a loss for what to do.

Meredith thought back to the first time he had called her. She had just gotten back from Seattle, and she was tired. Exhausted, even, she was desperate to get into bed and sleep for half the day. She didn't know what to say to him, but she answered nonetheless.

 _Flashback_

 _Meredith had finally gotten into bed. It felt like she was lying on the cloud, she was so tired and happy to be in bed. She snuggled into her bed and pulled the covers up to her neck. Her body instantly relaxed and her eyes closed immediately. When Meredith was finally falling asleep, the sound of her phone ringing jolted her awake. "Hello?" She said groggily, she swore to herself that if it was Mark checking up on her again she'd kill him, no matter of the oath she took. "Hey," Derek breathed, "I just wanted to make sure you got home okay." Meredith stayed quiet, not entirely sure of what she should say to him. She felt herself nod, not even realising that he couldn't see her response. "How was your flight?" He asked, clearly wanting to talk to her, taking her earlier comments about him not talking to her to heart. "It was fine, I spent most of it studying, Mark helped me so that was good." She responded. Meredith could hear the smile in his voice, "That's good. You know if you have any questions about anything neuro related feel free to ask, I'm more than happy to help." He offered, hoping it was some kind of peace offering, or at the very least it would butter her up. "Thanks," she said shortly, both not wanting to talk to him at that moment, and being too tired to. "Are you working tomorrow?" He asked, although he already figured that she was. "Yep, got a 36 hour shift tomorrow, and then a 48 hour shift after that to make up for taking the past two days off." She inadvertently hinted to him that she wanted to sleep, although she knew that she would have to continue the conversation for at least another few minutes. "Ah, tough break," he said lightly, "Hopefully you'll get some good surgical cases." Meredith could tell the conversation wasn't going anywhere important, and she was desperate to get some sleep. After a long pause Meredith said "I should really get some sleep now." Derek suddenly got kind of awkward. "Oh, yeah, sure. Sleep well, Mer." He said sincerely. "Thanks for calling," She said, causing a smile to break out on his face, his happiness leaking into his tone of voice. "It was my pleasure, Mer, I'll speak to you soon." "Yeah, bye Derek." She replied. "Goodnight Meredith." She hung up the phone and quickly went to sleep._

Since that night he had called every day, as well as sending her random texts throughout the day, just to let her know he was thinking about her. She mainly ignored his calls and texts when she was in the confines of work, or when she was too tired to speak to him. However, their phone call the night before had been playing on her mind. They had been avoiding the elephant in the room over the last couple of days while they reconnected. But the night before he had stopped avoided it and faced the issue head on.

 _Flashback_

 _Meredith and Derek had already been talking on the phone for around half an hour. They had just been talking about work and their lives, just trying to communicate and connect. Meredith was lying in bed while she spoke to him, looking at the picture of them on their wedding day on the nightstand. "So when are you next coming to Seattle?" Derek had asked after a moment's comfortable silence. "Why don't you come to New York?" She retaliated, she didn't know why she always had to be the one to go out there. "I'm the head of a department now, I can't just take tons of time off." He tried explaining to her. "I'm an intern, what makes you assume I can?" She challenged, getting annoyed. "Mer," he started before she interrupted him. "No, Derek. You say you want me back yet the only thing you can manage is a few texts and phone calls, you expect me to do all the hard work. If you want to see me so badly, why don't you come back to New York, where we have a home and family? Why should I always be the one to go to Seattle?" She shouted at him through the phone. "I like Seattle, I want you to like it here too." He said calmly. "I hate it there, Derek. I hate it more than you could imagine," she said, quieter than she was before. She heard him sigh, "How are we meant to work this out if we never see each other?" he asked quietly, almost nervously. "Move back to New York," Meredith suggested, she knew that that was going to restart the argument that drove them apart in the first place. "You know I can't do that, Mer." He said sadly. She paused, not saying anything, thinking about how they should proceed with this conversation without going round in circles. "Why don't you move here?" He suggested after a minute of silence. "I'm in the middle of my intern year, I can't just up and leave." She tried to keep her voice calm and reasonable. "Richard would gladly give you a place here, you'd fit in nicely, the interns are actually halfway decent this year. I really think you can grow to love it here." Meredith was the one to sigh now, "I don't know Derek," she paused, not wanting to continue this cycle, "I'm gonna go to sleep now. I'll speak to you tomorrow?" She asked, suddenly unsure if he would want to speak to her after their discussion. "Of course, sleep well, I love you." Meredith hung up the phone, shocked by his last words- he hadn't said he loved her since before he moved to Seattle._

Meredith walked into the Shepherd family home, "Carolyn?" She called out. She soon found her in the kitchen, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and sat down at the kitchen table, knowing better than to ask if she could help her with whatever it was she was cooking. "So how are you, dear?" Carolyn asked her only daughter-in-law. "I'm alright, been working a lot lately." Carolyn nodded, she offered her some cookies she had made earlier, and Meredith took one. "Have you spoken to Derek recently?" She asked her, Meredith nodded in response, thinking about all that had happened over the past two months. She wasn't sure how much Derek had told his mother, so she didn't want to say too much. "He wants me to move to Seattle," she spilled out, knowing that she'd be told good advice. "And you don't want to?" Meredith shook her head. "I can't I just started my internship. Plus, my life is here, you are here, our whole family is here, so is my mom. I can't just move to the other side of the country." Meredith took a bite of the cookie. "I'm sure everyone would understand if you moved, it's the best way to keep your marriage alive. And I'm sure it's a good program, Derek wouldn't have moved there if it weren't." Meredith sighed, she knew she'd get some brutally honest advice, but she thought she'd side with her. Meredith figured Derek hadn't told her the full story, otherwise she probably would be siding with her. "I just- I can't," Meredith said hesitantly. Carolyn quickly realised that something was wrong, "Did something happen between you two?" Meredith paused before she nodded once more, feeling like she was a little child opening up to their mother. "He cheated on me, with this tall, fabulous, amazing redhead, and now he expects me to just forget it all and move out to Seattle with him. How am I meant to move across the country for him if I can't trust him?" She confessed, feeling like she was close to tears. Carolyn was shocked, Derek had never done anything like this before. "Oh dear," she said, moving closer to her to hug her. Meredith hugged her back, "And he said we can't work this out if we live on opposite sides of the country, which I understand, but why can't he just move back here? He's the one in the wrong. If he's worried about moving backwards in his career, he'd probably be able to find a head of department job somewhere here. I just don't see why he always expects me to just pick up and move." She said sadly. "It's a difficult situation, sweetheart, but even though he did an awful thing, he does want forgiveness, and he is right, you can't forgive him from across the country. You have to think about whether your love for each other is strong enough to keep you together, or if you'll let your careers drive you apart." Meredith nodded, trying to absorb the meaning of her words.

Meredith stayed at her in-laws house for a while, but then she went to visit her mother. She knew she had to think about everything before she made a decision, and so a visit to her mother seemed mandatory. She pulled up to the home and walked in, requested to see her mother and then sat down next to her. "Hey, Mom," she smiled and leaned towards her as she crossed her legs. "Meredith, what are you doing here? I have a surgery to get to, I told you not to bother me at work." Meredith knew that if she wanted to have a proper conversation she would have to conform to what her mother wanted. "Sorry mom, but the nurse told me you had a few free minutes before your surgery, I thought we could talk." Ellis seemed to be impatient, she checked her watched, "I should really get going, I have to meet someone." She tried again. Meredith frowned, "Who do you have a meeting with, mom?" She asked her, she knew she wouldn't get a proper answer out of her, but since she read through her old diaries she had a feeling she knew who it was. "Do you ever regret choosing your career over a love life?" She asked her, wanting to get some advice from her mother. Ellis shook her head, "No, I got so far in my career. Two Harper Avery awards, one of the first females, it was amazing. I just wish I had someone to go home to at night. It just makes your accomplishments so much better if you have someone to celebrate with. But don't ever let anyone ever take away from your opportunities, life doesn't give you any second chances. The carousel never stops turning." With that Ellis picked up the newspaper in front of her, and started reading it intently. "Now you have to leave, I have an appendectomy to get to." Meredith nodded and stood up, "It was good to see you, mom." She walked away from her, before turning around to look at her mother. There was one thing she had decided, and that was that she did not want to end up alone, even if she couldn't remember the people she was with.

With that, she took off to the hospital to get there before her shift started. She was ready to hand in her resignation, but first she had to speak to Mark, and to the person she was avoiding: Richard Webber.

* * *

 _Both mothers in one episode? Double whammy! I promise that next chapter Carolyn will definitely be kicking Derek's ass, but I wanted this chapter to be more focused on Meredith._

 _I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, they gave me a lot of motivation and ideas for upcoming chapters. So please continue to review!_

 _Thanks for reading, and I'll try to get the next chapter up sometime tomorrow night- especially if I get a lot of reviews on this chapter._

 _Love you all :)_


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith changed into her scrubs and went to look for Mark, she knew he had to be around somewhere. Eventually she found him reading over some paperwork in his office. She sat down on the chair opposite him, with the table in between them and sighed. "I'm an idiot, and I'm desperate. I'm a desperate idiot." She said as she relaxed on the chair. Mark looked up from his paperwork looking confused. "What did you do?" He asked her. "I've decided to move to Seattle." Mark raised his eyebrows, showing his confusion. "Why the sudden change of heart?" Meredith paused for a moment. "I hate him, but I still love him and I want to try to work things out. We can't do that from different sides of the country. He'll get lonely again and probably end up back with the redhead, and that will be the end of us, and I don't want it to be the end of us." She explained to him. Mark nodded understandingly, suddenly he smiled "Good thing I told Webber I'd probably be coming to work for him in a few weeks with a certain intern at my side." Meredith gasped and hit his arm, "You ass. You did not." Mark nodded and smirked, "You bet I did. Now, am I calling him to let him know of our arrival, or are you?" Meredith rolled her eyes, "Well seeing as how you apparently foretold the future, you can do the honours. But don't tell Derek, I want it to be a surprise." Meredith stood up and walked towards the door, before she left it she turned around and looked at him. "You're an ass for knowing me so well." Mark just grinned and began dialling the phone.

Meredith went to speak to the chief, telling him that she'd be transferring to Seattle Grace Hospital. He said that the paperwork would be finalised within a week and then she would be free to go. Meredith thanked him and then walked out his office, she was glad it was all going smoothly. Now she would just have to see to moving all of their things and see what would be best to do about her mother, she hadn't yet told Derek she'd been diagnosed with Alzheimer's as she wasn't sure how to bring it up to him, and she didn't know if it would be best for her mother to move her to the other side of the country.

She just hoped Derek would be excited and inviting, even though she knew things would be difficult in Seattle.

Derek had just finished up a surgery when a nurse told him he had a call waiting for him. He thanked her and picked up the phone, wondering who would be calling him. "Derek," said the voice. "Hey, mom." Derek said cheerily, he hadn't spoken to his mother in weeks. "Why did I have to find out from my only daughter-in-law that my only son cheated on her?" She asked angrily. Derek looked down ashamed, "Mom, I'm at work, can we not do this now? We can talk later." Derek said, looking at all the people surrounding him. "No, you better make it up to Meredith because I swear if you don't I'll disown you. That girl has done nothing but love you and all you have done is move to Seattle and cheat on her. She deserves the world, not this rubbish you're giving her. Treat her with some damn respect, I did not raise you to behave like this, Derek." She scolded him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, he felt like he was a little kid again. "Don't apologise to me, apologise to Meredith until you know for certain she's forgiven you. You're going to have to work hard to fix this, Derek. Meredith doesn't forgive easily, not after everything she's gone through. Just because she wants to forgive you, doesn't mean she'll be able to the second she sees you. You take every obstacle she throws at you and you never let her go, do you hear me?" Derek nodded, "Yes mom." He said in an ashamed voice. "Now, tell me about Seattle."

Derek spoke to his mother on the phone for a while, before one of the nurses asked if they could move it to his office. However, Derek just ended the conversation and promised his mother they would speak shortly. He then made his way to his office and decided to call Meredith. When she didn't pick up he figured she was working, and so he decided to just leave her a message. "Hey, it's me. Just calling to see how you're doing. Call me back when you get this, I love you." He smiled as he hung up the phone, he had a good feeling, he wasn't sure why, but he felt like things were changing for the better.

A week had passed and it was time for Meredith to move to Seattle. Things had been tense between her and Derek, he could tell she was keeping something from him, but she didn't want to let her surprise slip. Of course, Meredith was extremely nervous, the last time she had tried to surprise him she found out that he was cheating on her. She had contemplated drinking on the plane, but Mark talked her out of it and she decided the surprise would be better if she were sober. Instead, he helped her study to take her mind off of the surprise and to calm her nerves.

When they reached Seattle, Meredith was practically bouncing in her seat from the adrenaline and excitement. She wanted to go see Derek immediately, only she didn't exactly know where he lived. So, instead she went to the hospital and prayed to god she wouldn't be met with the same scene as last time.

Meredith walked into the hospital and breathed a sigh of relief when she wasn't met with her husband and his redhead. Oh god, the redhead, she hadn't even thought about facing her yet, she was not prepared for that. She hoped she wouldn't have to see or speak to her until she at least started working in the hospital, then they'd be able to keep their relationship professional. She asked a nurse where Derek's office was, and upon being told headed off to find him.

Luckily for Meredith, he happened to be in his office. She knocked on the door and heard him say come in, so she entered and smiled. He wasn't looking up at her, instead he was still focusing on some paperwork, he probably assumed it was just someone coming to ask him a question about something, because if it was important he would have been paged. Meredith leaned against the door frame and put a hand on her hip. "Miss me?" She asked, sounding happy, and her happiness being reflected by the smile on her face. At the sound of her voice, Derek's head shot up, a grin plastered all over his face. "Oh my god, Mer," he stood up and took a few long strides to reach her, he pulled her into his office and kissed her deeply, his hands moved to the side of her face as he held her close to him. They hadn't kissed in almost three months, and he had missed her touch more than anything. The kiss was hungry, but also soft and passionate. He savoured the kiss by pecking her on the lips after the deep kiss finished and smiled, "More than you can imagine," he answered her earlier question. Meredith smiled, seemingly content with his response. Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What are you doing here though? I thought you couldn't take any more time off work." Meredith nodded and shut the door to his office behind her as she moved to sit down on the sofa. "I couldn't. I thought about what you said, and you were right, we can't work through this from opposite ends of the country. It's going to be hard enough as it is, but there's no point in making it harder by adding the distance factor to it as well." Derek sat beside her and beamed, "Are you serious?" He asked, almost not believing it, it seemed too perfect to be true. Meredith nodded, "I was serious when I said I wanted to try work things out, I can't be my mother and run away from everything before they have the chance to work themselves out. Plus you have a very convincing mother." Meredith giggled, causing him to beam and laugh along with her. He then pulled her into a tight hug and inhaled her scent, "You have no idea how much I've missed you. It means the world that you've done this for me- for us." Meredith nodded, at a loss for what to say, she suddenly felt like she wanted to cry and she wasn't sure why. Was it from happiness, anxiety, sadness, or was she just overwhelmed? She didn't know. She pulled away from the hug after a moment and looked at him, really looked at him for the first time in months. He looked tired, but there was a glimmer in his eyes, he looked happy. He cupped her face with his hand and stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. He didn't want to break the contact with her. "I love you so much," he smiled as he said it. "I know," Meredith nodded and looked down at her hands. He removed his hand from her face, but kept their knees touching. "So, when do you start work?" He questioned her. "Um, I have to speak to Richard, but it should be sometime this week," she responded. Derek nodded, "It's going to be so much fun finally getting to work with you." He grinned at her. Meredith shook her head, "No, no special treatment, people will already think I only got the job because of you, so you can't treat me differently. I have to prove that I'm capable on my own, without your help." Derek sighed, "Fine, but it will be hard not to." "It's easy, don't request me to be on your service every day, only give me surgeries when I've earned them, no PDA, and no special treatment." Meredith knew she had to be strict with him, or he'd just hand everything to her on a silver platter, but that was the last thing she wanted. There were strings attached to both of her names, and she had to fight like hell to prove that she was a good surgeon, not that she was here because of her mother and her husband. "But I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off you," he said playfully in regards to her no PDA rule. "Well you managed to for almost three months, so it shouldn't be hard for you to do it now." It slipped out, Meredith hadn't meant to say it, she wanted to keep the occasion sweet and loving, but she just ruined it. "I'm sorry," she said almost immediately, "I didn't mean to say that." The light had disappeared from Derek's eyes and he hung his head in shame. His head shook gently from side to side, "No, don't apologise, you're right. You have nothing to apologise for. It should be me doing all the apologies." He paused for a moment. "How about I take you out to dinner tonight, as a beginning of my apology?" He looked back up at her, the glimmer returning to his eyes, but now there was a sense of vulnerability in them. Meredith hesitated, "I don't know, Derek. I still have to unpack all my things. And I don't even know if I'm living with you at your house or with Mark or someone at my mother's old house." At the mention of her mother, Meredith made a mental note to call the care home to check up on her mother later. "Well, how about you come over tonight after my shift has ended, and I'll show you where I live and you can decide?" He suggested, figuring that that would kill two birds with one stone. Meredith nodded, "Alright, I guess I'll be at my mother's in the meantime, pick me up when you're finished? What time does your shift end?" She asked him. Derek glanced at his watch, "7, so I'll be at your mother's by 7:30 latest." Meredith nodded, "Alright." She stood up from her spot on the sofa, "I guess I should go see if Mark is finished with Richard and then go sign all the paperwork," she smiled down at him. "I'll see you later." She said before she walked out of his office.

As Meredith was walking to Richard's office, her eyes caught sight of Derek's redhead- Addison, she thought her name was. She knew it would be unprofessional to confront her, and by the look of her scrubs she was an attending and therefore her boss, so she decided to keep walking. However, that did not stop her from shooting daggers at her with her eyes, letting her know she was angry if she looked, but if she didn't then she wouldn't know a thing.

Meredith walked into Richard's office after knocking. "Hey, so I've come to fill out all the paperwork and stuff." She said as she walked closer to his desk. "Ah, yes, you'll be able to do that in HR which is in the basement." Meredith nodded and began to walk away. "Meredith," Richard said, stopping her before she could leave, "Let me explain- your mother and I, we were in love, we didn't mean for anyone to get hurt in the process." Meredith cut him off there, "I'm not interested in hearing about your explanations, cheating is cheating. If you're so remorseful about cheating on Adele with my mother, then why did you let Derek have an affair right under your nose and not say anything to me or stop him?" She asked angrily. Richard sighed, "I know I'm the villain in your story, but I'm really not a bad guy." Meredith nodded, calming down somewhat, "I know that, but right now it's really just better for me to hate you while I come to terms with the way you messed with my life." She walked out the door and made her way to HR. She couldn't believe she already hated three of her bosses and she hadn't even started working yet. At least Mark would be her boss, that would be fun.

* * *

 _Lol, so I thought I posted this chapter last night, but turns out I fell asleep before I could even finish writing it._

 _Anyways, I'm going on camp today, but I'll be back at the weekend, so I promise to have updates for you over the weekend to make up for no updates during the week._

 _Thanks for reading, please remember to review!_

 _PS. Patsy and Gina, I seriously love you guys! Thank you so much for reviewing every chapter, it really means a lot to me. 3_


	7. Chapter 7

Once Meredith had signed all her paperwork, she went to find Mark so they could organise their things at her mother's house, where they would be staying for the time being. Meredith found him at the nurse's station, chatting up some random nurse. Meredith dragged him away and they made their way to the car that they had rented. "So how did it go with Shep?" Mark asked her as they got in the car. "I'm going to his house later tonight," Mark raised his eyebrows, "I'm not having sex with him, I'm just deciding if I want to live with him. And I guess we need to talk about stuff as well." She explained to him. "Don't give in to everything he wants, Mer, hold your ground. Remember he's the one who needs to do the grovelling." He started up the car and started driving to Meredith's mother's house. "I know, I'm not going to. I just want to see how our life is going to work out here. And I want some answers, he owes me answers." Meredith looked out the window as Mark drove.

The day had flown by pretty quickly, Meredith and Mark had ordered some pizza and they unpacked some of their things in her mother's house, they also sorted through some of her mother's old things to see what they needed to buy new. By the time it came for Derek to pick Meredith up, she had almost completely forgotten that he was coming over. She decided she didn't really care about what she looked like that day, so she just kept her jeans and T-shirt on and had her hair in a pony tail. Meredith sat in the kitchen, clutching on to her bag as if it were her lifeline. She was going to sit by the door, but she thought that it seemed too eager. Mark handed her a glass of water to calm her nerves, "It'll be fine, Mer. Remember, he's the one who has to compromise on everything, he's the one in the wrong. He cheated on you with the redhead." Meredith nodded, "The redhead who turns out will be my boss in a few days." She sighed. "But I'll also be your boss, and I'm awesome," Mark smirked cheekily. "Meredith rolled her eyes in response, "You're a bully at work, you never let the interns do anything except get you coffee, and I sure as hell will not be getting you any coffee." Before Mark had the chance to respond, the doorbell rang and Meredith inhaled a deep breath to calm her raging nerves. "He's here, I can't do this. I can't face him, he's probably expecting more than I can offer him, I can't do this, send him away. I can't, I honestly can't." She said hurriedly, not even taking the time to breathe in her nervous ramblings. Mark put his hands on her shoulders, "It's okay Mer, it's just Derek, the man you married." He tried to comfort her, but to no avail. "That's the thing, Mark, he's the man I married! He's dreamy, and irresistible, and has a way of making me give in to his every wish without even trying. He's going to be more charming than he's ever been, and I really can't deal with that right now. I don't want anything sugar coated, I just want everything to be out in the open, I'm going to tell him exactly what his cheating did to me and exactly what I want from him, when I figure out what that may be. I want it to just be Meredith and Derek, with no airs and graces, and definitely no charming, at least not for tonight." Mark nodded understandingly, "Just don't look him in the eyes, you've always said they could make you do just about anything," he joked, a smile on his face. However, he got more serious a second later, "You need to tell him that, Mer, from the very beginning. You said it yourself, you need to be blunt and tell each other exactly what you want from each other. There's no point in sugarcoating anything, you've been married for four years, dating for another three years before that, you can tell each other anything." He tried to comfort her. She nodded, and as she did so the doorbell rang, signalling to her that Derek had arrived, her eyes widened in panic once more, before she calmed herself and smiled at Mark, "I'll see you later." "Kick ass, Grey." He said with a smile before he kissed her on the head. She grinned and walked towards the front door.

As she approached the front door the smile slowly disappeared from her face. She was nervous once again. More nervous than she had ever been in her life. She tried to shake it off, so that he wouldn't be able to tell that she was nervous, but she knew that she wouldn't be able to hide it very well. She opened the door and looked at him, he was dressed casually, just a pair of jeans and a jumper. He looked effortlessly good, but then again he always did. "Hi," Meredith said when her eyes finally met his. "Hi," he mirrored, watching her carefully. "Let's go, I guess." She said as she walked out the house and closed the door behind her, she walked to his car and waited for him to follow so that he could unlock it and she could get in.

Once they were both comfortably seated in his car, Derek found the courage to speak as they started driving towards his home. "I think you'll like my home," Derek said, a sparkle glimmering in his eye as he glanced over at Meredith. He couldn't help but imagine living with Meredith again, and this time it would be so much better. Meredith nodded and thought about what she had discussed with Mark just a few minutes earlier. "Listen, I don't want you to be under the illusion that tonight is about us getting back together, it's about me considering whether or not I want to live with you for the time being while we sort through some things. Tonight isn't the time for charming, it's the time for honesty, okay?" She asked, although it wasn't really a question because he had no choice in the matter. She looked at him as she spoke and noticed that he seemed a bit taken aback, nevertheless he nodded his head in agreement. "Your charming part can come later, if I decide charming is allowed." Derek nodded once more, knowing better than to argue with Meredith about this. He was sure he'd be able to win her back, they were meant to be which is something that she could not avoid.

When their car abandoned the road and started driving into a forest, Meredith's eyes widened with shock. Many things ran through her mind, she even considered that he lived in a tent in the middle of nowhere, but surely he wouldn't expect her live in that if he really want to make things right with her. "Where are we going?" She asked nervously. "You'll see," he responded, a smile playing at the corner of his lips as he neared the trailer. When the trailer finally came into view, he drove right up to it and got out the car. When she joined him at his side, he began to speak. "So, this is it, this is where I live." He said as he gestured towards the trailer with his hand. Meredith nodded, "Can I look inside?" She asked tentatively. "Of course," he said as he took out his keys and opened the door to the trailer, he held it open for her as she walked in and hoped that she would like it and would be willing to live with him. Meredith walked the length of the trailer, observing every little detail. "It's nice," she said at long last, a small smile gracing her mouth. Derek beamed at her response, "So does that mean you'll live here?" He asked her excitedly. Meredith hesitated before she answered, "I'm not sure." She paused, looking around once more. Her eyes landed on the giant double bed taking up a third of the trailer's space. "There's only one bed," she stated. Derek nodded, "Is that a problem?" He asked, trying not to sound disappointed. Meredith shrugged her shoulders in response, "I don't know, I was kind of counting on the security of having a spare room or a couch or something." She explained to him. "Oh," he didn't quite know how to respond to that at that moment. "So, hypothetically if I were to live here, it wouldn't be full time, it would only be one or two nights a week to start off with. And when I do stay here there will be absolutely no funny business, we will sleep on opposite sides of the bed. I also reserve the right to add in any more rules whenever I see fit, understood?" She said sternly, to show that she wasn't going to budge on this issue. Derek nodded his head, happy that she was at least going to be staying with him a couple of nights a week, "Yes," he responded, giving her a small smile. "Good," Meredith said, returning his smile and sitting on one of the chairs at the table.

"So, we should probably talk," Meredith said after a moment of silence. "We should," Derek said in agreement as he sat opposite her. "You're going to be my boss," Meredith said incredulously, trying to procrastinate talking about the more serious subjects for as long as possible. Nodding his head slightly in response, Derek said "I am, but don't worry, I'm one of the nice attendings." He gave her a large smile, going along with the playfulness of her voice. "What about your girlfriend? Is she a nice attending? Because she's also going to be my boss." Meredith voiced her concerns to him, even though it wasn't her initial intention by bringing up the topic of him being her new boss. "Addison is professional, I'm sure she'll be nice." He said calmly, knowing better than to correct her about Addison being his girlfriend, as she was currently his ex-girlfriend. "I sure hope Mark requests me on my first day," she mumbled. "It won't be that bad, Mer. I'll also be there to help you, and you like neuro." He tried to comfort her, and it did slightly, but it also brought back her other fears of him being her boss. She knows she's already spoken to him about how he'll have to behave at work, but she's still worried about it. Meredith nodded, "Yeah," she said as she tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. She rested her hands on the table. "It'll be okay, Mer." He reached out for her hand and rubbed the back of hers with his thumb, he smiled slightly to himself when she didn't pull away. "I still don't want any special treatment though. I'm not going to lie to you, it'll be hard for me to work under you." She looked down at their hands and watched his thumb caress her hand. "I'll be completely professional, I promise." He tried to reassure her. "No choosing me specifically for surgeries, and no making out or love eyes in CT rooms." She instructed him. "So there'll be making out?" He asked playfully, the smile he concealed earlier now fully on show for her to see. Meredith giggled softly, her smile remaining on her lips as she spoke, "Maybe, if you're good." Derek smiled, he could tell that she was trying, and he knew it would be hard for her to get over this and move past it, but at least they were trying. Derek loved her and he knew now that he never wanted to live without her.

* * *

 _Please don't hate me! I am so sorry it's taken me almost a month to update this story. I tried to write but life got in the way and I didn't want to write something crappy just so there would be an update. I am so, so sorry!_

 _I've also just started a new school, so updates won't be as often as they used to be, but I will definitely try to update at least once a week._

 _Also, I've been feeling a little stuck on my other story: Lost and Insecure, so if any of you have any ideas for that, PLEASE let me know!_

 _I'm sorry again for taking so long to update, but thank you all for reading and please remember to review._

 _Love you guys!_


	8. Chapter 8

Two days after Meredith met Derek at his trailer she was ready to start work. She was nervous because she'd have to face Derek's girlfriend, and because she'd have to be in close proximity to Derek all day, which would inevitably cause some problems; but she was also excited because Seattle Grace was one of the top learning hospitals in the country, and she'd get to work with Mark. Because of her issues with Derek, she had decided not to be known as 'Mrs Shepherd' in the hospital, instead opting for her maiden name. When asked she wouldn't lie about her marriage to Derek, but she didn't want to rub it in people's faces or make them think that she might have gotten her place in the program because of her marital status.

Meredith hadn't seen Derek since she went to the trailer, however he had texted her a few times. She didn't sleep at his house that night, deciding that it would be better to keep some distance between the two of them for the meantime. He had been understanding, and kept his space, however, he did remind her that she was going to be in for some wooing, and maybe some special surgeries. She bashfully denied the need for wooing and special surgeries, however did admit to wanting in on some of his surgeries. She reminded him that although she wanted in on his surgeries, she wasn't to be given any special treatment and she should only get the surgeries if her fellow interns got some as well. They parted ways on good terms and said they'd see each other when she started work.

She had spent the day before her first day of work with Mark, organising her mother's house and trying to settle down in Seattle. They had spoken a lot about their first day of work, Meredith telling Mark that he needed to request her so she could avoid Derek and Addison, and Mark telling Meredith that although she was a good intern, he hates interns and she wouldn't like being on his service. He reminded her that interns are for fetching coffee and getting his dry cleaning done, and she reminded him that attendings are for teaching and furthering the careers of those beneath them. Both remarks were met with an eye roll from both parties and a nervous twist in Meredith's stomach.

Meredith looked up at the hospital in front of her. She took in a deep breath and tried to settle the nerves in her stomach. She watched the people walking around in the hospital through the big glass window before she gathered her strength and walked through the glass doors. She looked around as she walked towards the elevator, noticing a coffee cart mid way between the elevator and the entrance to the hospital. When she entered the elevator she pressed the button to the third floor and waited for the elevator to reach it. However, before the elevator could reach her floor, it stopped at the first floor to let someone on. Of course, it just so happened to be the one person she did not want to see that day. Addison stepped into the elevator and paused, looking at Meredith, it was evident that neither one of the women knew what to say, nonetheless, they kept staring at each other in shock. Addison pressed the button for the fifth floor and stood behind Meredith, so that she could continue observing her. When the elevator finally reached her floor, Meredith walked out and quickly walked to the locker room so that she could get changed into her scrubs.

The locker room was empty, so Meredith presumed that everyone else had already started their day of work. She got changed at lightning speed before she found her resident to get her work for the day started. She approached a short black woman and tenderly tapped her on the shoulder, "Excuse me, are you Dr. Bailey?" She asked her softly. The lady turned around and looked her up and down. "Who's asking?" She said bluntly. "I'm Meredith Grey, I'm your new intern. Chief Webber told me to come find you." Meredith explained to her. Bailey nodded, "Right, well you're in the pit today, if a trauma comes in, you get first dibs. Now get to work." Meredith nodded in response and mumbled her thanks as she walked to the pit. She and Mark had quizzed each other on where everything was so they wouldn't get lost and look like idiots on their first day.

Meredith's morning in the pit was pretty uneventful, she did a lot of sutures, but all of the cases that had come through that morning hadn't been surgical. It was now lunch time, and Meredith was hungry. She went to the cafeteria to get some food, and maybe find one of her fellow interns to eat lunch with. However, once she had gotten her food she looked around didn't see anyone to sit with. After a moment a blonde girl approached her, "Are you okay, you look a bit lost?" She asked her kindly. Meredith smiled, "Just looking for somewhere to sit," she said back. "You can come sit with us, if you want? I'm Izzie, by the way." Meredith nodded, "Sure. I'm Meredith." The two girls walked to a table full of other people. Izzie pulled up a chair for Meredith, who gratefully flashed her a smile before she sat down on it. "Everyone, this is Meredith, Meredith, this is George, Alex, and Cristina." Izzie introduced them all gleefully. "Hi," everyone responded. "So Meredith, why did you decide to come to Seattle?" George asked her. "I had some personal issues going on, and it was time for a change." Meredith responded. George nodded understandingly, before Cristina interrupted their conversation. "Oooh, look, McDreamy just came in," she paused, "I heard he had a massive fight with Captain Gynie this morning." Izzie's eyes widened in shock. "Really, what about?" She asked interestedly. "You know that wife of his? Yeah, well apparently she's finally shown up, and McDreamy doesn't want Captain Gynie to give McWife a hard time. If you ask me, McDreamy's just trying to get McWife and Captain Gynie to get along so that he can have his wife and his mistress. The wife is stupid to go back to him." As the others nodded along in agreement, Meredith looked at them in shock; she stood up. "You're right, I am." She said as she walked away from them.

Meredith walked away from the table looking a bit hurt and sad. Her eyes locked with Derek's, and he looked at her as if to ask her if it would be alright if he came to comfort her, she shook her head no in response and walked away quickly. She dumped her food in the trash and walked back to the pit to get her work completed. When she got there, she saw the one person she really wanted to avoid while she was in such a bad mood. Meredith went straight to a patient and started to do her work up. Once she was done and sent him home, she put his chart back at the nurses' station and put her head in her hands for a brief moment. She felt someone stand next to her before they said in a silky voice "Are you alright?" Meredith instantly stood to attention and moved her hair out of her face. "Like you care." She said shortly before she turned to walk away. Addison grabbed her hand to stop her from walking away, "I understand why you're being a bitch, but you need to understand that I can be a bitch right back." Meredith narrowed her eyes into a glare, "You slept with my husband, and still went back to him even after we found out about each other. I have a right to a bitch towards you if I want to." Addison sighed, "If you're that bitter then why are you even going back to him? Just let him stay with me, he was actually happy with me. And just so you know, he was the one who chased after me, very persistently I might add, not the other way round. So does that say something about me, or does it say something about your marriage?" She asked rhetorically smug. "It says nothing. Stay away from me and my husband." Meredith said sternly before she walked away. She rushed to the nearest on call room, so she could have a moment by herself.

On her way to the on call room, Derek saw her and started running after her. He didn't catch up to her before she entered the room, so he followed her into it. She was already sitting on the bed by the time he entered it, so he closed the door behind himself and looked at her sympathetically. She looked up at him, trying to conceal the tears in her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest as a defense mechanism to keep the world out. After neither of them said anything for a few minutes, Derek moved to sit next to her. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him, her head falling onto his shoulder. "You chased after her. It wasn't the other way round. You asked her out. It wasn't some accidental relationship. You knew you were married and yet you went after her anyway. They call you McDreamy from the way you went after Addison. You're both the talk of the hospital, how am I meant to compete with that? You two had this fairytale whirlwind romance only to be broken up by your wife coming to town. What would have happened if I hadn't turned up? Would you still be together? What would've happened to me? Would you have just kept her in the dark as your mistress and hoped I stayed in New York?" Meredith said sadly, letting her insecurities out even though her mind was screaming at her not to. Derek looked down in shame, "I'm sorry," he said quietly, rubbing small circles on her back. "I know you are, but right now, sorry just isn't going to make things better." Meredith wiped her eyes and stood up. "I love you," Derek said softly yet assuredly. "Right now, I'm not so sure you're telling the truth about that." Meredith said before she slipped out the room and went back to work, set to avoid any and everyone in this damned hospital.

* * *

 _Bahaha, Mer and Addison finally met! Expect more interactions between the two of them!_

 _What are all your ideas about why Derek left Meredith and started dating Addison? I'm interested to know what you all think._

 _Thanks for reading, please remember to review!_

 _Love you all! :)_


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith was more than ready to leave work. Her first shift shouldn't have gone worse, and she was seriously starting to regret moving to Seattle. Her talk with Addison had been enlightening, she had no idea Derek had been or could be so deceitful. And no matter how many times he now says that he loves Meredith, there will always be a part of her that doesn't trust him. She didn't understand how he could just go from pretending like she didn't exist and chasing down beautiful leggy redheads, to proclaiming his everlasting and undying love for her practically once an hour. She needed to have a long therapeutic talk with Mark, only she didn't know where he was. She decided she would go home in the hopes of finding Mark there, and if she didn't then she would just call him and tell him all about her day.

When Meredith arrived home she had a shower and changed into her pyjamas, desperate to get the remains of the day off her. She ordered food and then walked around the house in search of Mark. She called out his name a couple of times, but with no response. She knocked on his bedroom door- no answer. Meredith soon gave up and sat on a stool in the kitchen, waiting for her food to arrive. She heard something fall from inside the house, but she couldn't quite place where it was. She armed herself with a frying pan and went to discover.

Passing by the door to the unused garage, Meredith heard someone swearing repeatedly. Meredith tightened her grip on the frying pan and opened the door to the garage. When she saw Mark standing there she let out a scream, dropping the frying pan in her shock. The frying pan landed on her toe, which caused her to let out a squeal and jump up and down in pain. Mark turned around and tried to conceal his laughter. "What are you doing?" He said, a huge smile plastered across his face. Meredith frowned at his smile and hopped next to a wall so she could lean on it. "I thought you were a serial killer!" She shouted at him. Mark laughed "Now why would I want to kill my best friend?". Meredith simply shook her head, "you gave me the fright of my life, I think I may have had a heart attack and my toe might have fallen off." Mark chucked in response, "Don't be so melodramatic, come here, I'll take a look at your toe." Mark walked closer to Meredith and looped an arm around her, helping her wobble to the living room where he plopped her down on a sofa. He knelt on the ground in front of her and started inspecting her toe. "You'll be fine, it's just a bruise," he smiled and put her foot down. Meredith nodded, "Thanks Dr. Sloan," she joked. "So what were you doing in the garage anyway?" She asked as he sat down on the sofa next to her. "Oh nothing, just looking for some tools," Meredith nodded and the doorbell rang. Mark looked at her curiously, "Who's that?" he asked her. Meredith looked confused for a moment before she remembered she ordered food. "Oh, I ordered some food, can you go get it for me?" Mark nodded and went to collect it for her.

Mark put the food on the kitchen counter, set out place mats, plates, and cutlery and then helped Meredith back into the kitchen. "So how was work?" he asked her as they tucked into their food. Meredith shook her head "awful, so bad, absolutely terrible." She exclaimed. "What happened?" Mark asked her. "Derek had this whole fairytale story with his girlfriend, and all the interns hate me for turning up and ruining it. And everyone thinks I'm stupid for taking him back, which I'm also starting to believe was a bad idea." Meredith took another bite of her food, "And all Derek can say in response to everything is 'I'm sorry'," she swallowed her food, "but he never actually does anything to show that he's sorry. All he does is give me mopey looks, but that's about it. He's not giving me anything to go on, and he has the whole hospital wrapped around his finger. I hate this place, moving back here was such a bad idea." Mark put his hand on her arm and stroked it with his thumb, "I'm sure the idiot interns don't hate you, they just don't know you or your side of the story. And Derek, well we all know Derek is an idiot, just give him a bit of time and he'll realise he's being an idiot and come running back." "What if it's too late by then?" Meredith whispered. "Don't think about that, just take each day as it comes. If things get better then great, you'll move back in with Derek or Derek will move in here, and if they don't then we'll deal with that when the time comes. But just know that I'll be here with you through it all. You're like a sister to me, and I certainly wouldn't let any sister of mine deal with idiots like Derek alone." Meredith smiled and gave him a side hug, "I genuinely don't know what I would do without you, you're the best friend a girl could ask for."

The next day Meredith walked into work with a new resolution, she was determined to make friends with her fellow interns, and get out of the shadow that was her husband and his glorious glossy hair. She marched her way up to the interns' changing room, coffee in hand. She got changed quickly and made her way over to Dr. Bailey, where the blonde girl and short boy were standing with her. "Morning," she said politely. The others nodded in response and continued talking. When the other interns arrived, Doctor Bailey started handing out assignments. She got to Meredith last, "Grey, you're with the new plastics attending: Dr. Sloan." Meredith smiled and inwardly pumped her hand up in the air in joy. As she walked off, one of the other interns also walked in the same direction as her. "Sorry about yesterday by the way," she said, slowing down and turning to look at them. "Don't worry about it, we all know that men can be complete idiots sometimes." The girl responded. "Husbands are the worst of all, don't ever get married," Meredith laughed as she joked. They walked on to an empty elevator and pressed the buttons of the floors they both needed. "So how long have you two been married anyway?" "Three years," the elevator reached her floor, "I'll tell you about it at lunch?" The girl nodded "Meet me at the cafeteria, I'll show you our usual eating spot." Meredith smiled, "Okay," she then walked away in search of Mark.

"You're going to hate me." Mark said as Meredith walked into his office. "Why?" she asked as she sat down on the chair in front of his desk. "We've got surgery in twenty minutes," he paused, "with Derek." Meredith groaned and slumped in her chair, "Can't you just put me on charts or something like you used to do to your poor interns in New York?" Mark shook his head, "no can do, Webber's ordered me to actually teach interns, and besides, you're my favourite- being in surgery with you won't be so bad." Meredith rolled her eyes, "So can I see the patient's chart?" Mark nodded and handed it over to her.

As they were scrubbing in Meredith looked at Mark nervously. "It'll be okay, the surgery will be amazing for you, just focus on that. You haven't done any cutting in ages. This will be good for you." "I suppose," Meredith replied. Just then Derek walked in, "Morning," he said as he stood at the sink next to Meredith and started scrubbing in. "Good morning Doctor Shepherd," Meredith replied. She chose to use his title to make it known to him that this was a professional environment and that she expected him to behave professionally. Meredith and Mark finished scrubbing in and moved to get their gowns on. They both walked into the OR and took their places, Meredith standing at Mark's side. Meredith gave a few comforting words to the patient, who was still awake on the table below them. She was then put under, and Derek walked into the room. "It's a beautiful day to save lives, let's get started," he said as he picked up a scalpel. Meredith and Mark got started on the patient's leg, which was also injured. Derek kept quiet as Meredith and Mark spoke quietly to each other, Mark often interrupting their conversation to show Meredith what he was doing.

Meredith and Mark finished up before Derek and left the OR. They scrubbed out, and Meredith went off to fill in the patient's chart before she went off to lunch. Meredith was taken to a corridor in the basement, where all of Bailey's interns were sitting. "Hey, I just wanted to say sorry about yesterday, I guess I'm just not used to having people talk about my love life right in front of my face." The blonde nodded, "It's alright, besides we're sorry for talking about you like that." Meredith nodded and sat down next to a small boy with floppy hair, she really needed to make an effort to remember their names. "So, what do you guys want to know?" Meredith asked before they proceeded asking her questions. "We've been married for three years," she answered, "went out for two years before that." She was then asked about the whole Addison situation by the other boy, "Alex!" a girl called Izzie, she had learnt, scorned him when he asked. Meredith shook her head, "No, it's alright. So things were going fine in New York, but then things started going south and Derek told me he got a job here and was going to move here, I said I didn't want to move as I grew up here and didn't particularly want to come back, but he didn't care. He left and we didn't speak for months. Then in an attempt to smooth things over, I decided to surprise him and come over here, where I found him and Addison. He didn't even say sorry, it was only when I came back here to move my mother's things to New York that he suddenly decided he wanted to amend our relationship. Eventually after many long conversations with Mark, I decided I didn't want to throw away a five year relationship, I used to think he was the love of my life and I didn't just want to throw that away. So I told him that I would try to forgive him, but he needed to prove that he was worthy of my forgiveness. My side of the bargain of trying to forgive him resulted in me moving here, which I'm starting to regret because it seems Derek and Addison's relationship ran far deeper than I thought. So yeah, Dr. Shepherd isn't all he seems." "Oh my god that's awful," Izzie said. "Who knew McDreamy could be such a McAss," Cristina remarked. Meredith nodded and continued to talk to her newfound friends. She became glad that she took a chance when talking to Cristina in the elevator.

Later in the day Meredith was standing by her patient's bed taking her stats and filling it in on her chart. As she was doing her work, Derek came in to do some of his checks after his surgery. After he shone a light in the patient's eyes to check her responses, Derek looked towards Meredith. "Can I take you out to dinner?" He asked her. "I don't know Derek, I started at 5 AM, I think I might just go home." Derek nodded understandingly, "Let me bring dinner to you, I want to explain my side of the story to you. I know you've been wondering why I behaved the way I did, and you deserve an explanation." "That I do, but why now Derek? You've had weeks to explain yourself to me, but all you've done is let me hang on to blind hope, you've given me nothing whilst I keep stumbling into information that is making me trust you less and less. Why are you only willing to tell me now?" Meredith closed her chart and looked up at him sharply. "Seeing you and Mark today just made me realise how much I want our old life back. I want us to be that couple that's been together forever, with the kids and the porch and the swing, and the goofy uncle who the kids love. I realised that in order to have that you need to trust me, and you're not going to be able to trust me if you don't have the full story. You and Mark have remained friends throughout all of this because you trust each other, and I never thought the day would come where my wife and my best friend have a better relationship than we do. We need to get back to where we were, and I'm just now realising how far I'll have to go to get that. But for now, the starting point is giving you the whole story, which I'm going to tell you tonight over dinner." Derek finished his monologue, leaving Meredith just staring at him. She nodded her head in consent, "Come over at 7:30." She said before she left the room.

Meredith went to find Mark, she eventually found him getting a coffee at the coffee cart. "You need to be out the house tonight," she told him. Mark looked at her confused, "Why?" he asked. "Derek's coming over-" "you two are finally doing the need again?" he interrupted her. Meredith frowned, "No, he's going to explain everything. And he's cooking me dinner. So you can't be at home, go to a bar, hook up with someone, I don't really care, but please just don't be at home." Mark nodded, "Alright, alright. And if you and Derek do find yourselves doing it, just let it happen, you need to get laid." Meredith hit his shoulder and laughed before she was paged off to a patient's room.

* * *

 _Okay, so this chapter wasn't that great IMO, buuuuuuuut I'm BACK!_

 _Turns out procrastinating is a good writing aid, lol._

 _Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this, please remember to review (nicely)!_

 _Love you guys, and thanks for sticking with me,_

 _girlinabar xxxxx_


	10. Note

Hey guys, I'm backkkk! Sorry it's taken me so long to return to writing, I've kinda had a lot going on, but now that it's summer and school is officially over, I have a lot of free time on my hands and I want to get back into writing. I'm considering  
starting a new gossip girl story, but I also really want to continue my other stories, which would you guys prefer? Also not really sure if people are still around to read these stories, so if any of you are still here after my (very long) absence,  
please please let me know what you'd like me to write and if you have any story ideas. I'm currently trying to refamiliarise myself with my stories and try to see where I was going with them, so I'm honestly open to any and all suggestions.

I'm super excited to start writing again, and hopefully I can live up to all of your expectations and write some amazing stories.

Thanks for sticking by me,

girlinabar xxx


	11. Chapter 10

Meredith was anxious and extremely scared, this conversation would either make or break her relationship with Derek. She knew she wasn't going to like any of the excuses Derek provided her with, but she at least deserved to know why he did what he did. She was sat in the kitchen trying to mentally prepare herself for what was to come. She was dressed in a simple jeans and t-shirt combination and her hair was down, cascading around her shoulders. She was counting the split ends in her hair, something she only did to distract herself when she was nervous. She knew she shouldn't be the one to be nervous, she hadn't done anything wrong- it was Derek who should be freaking out. Yet here she was, running through all the possible reasons Derek would give for cheating on her. She couldn't help but worry if it was something she did, although she knew that nothing she could have done would make it okay for Derek to cheat on her. She couldn't stop her worrying though, she wanted so desperately for it to be over and done with, but she also hoped for him never to tell her, so that she could live peacefully. Ignorance is bliss after all. She wondered if Derek was nervous about telling her, if he was he certainly wouldn't show it. As Meredith was contemplating all of this the doorbell rang. It was time.

Meredith took a deep breath to calm herself and then walked towards the front door to let Derek in. He smiled when he saw her, "hi," he said, eyes gazing down on her. "Hi" she replied back quietly, opening the door wider for him to come in. He looked calm, and to anyone but Meredith, they would have believed his facade. She could tell from his almost perfect hair and the slightest furrow of his brow that he too was nervous about this encounter. He walked in, dressed in jeans and a purple jumper, and waited for Meredith to show him the way. He had been to her mother's house before, but only once and very briefly. Meredith guided him to the living room, where he promptly sat down on the sofa. She offered him a drink, always being a good hostess, but he declined and so she sat down on the same couch as him, only on the opposite side. They turned towards each other and said "so" at the same time as one another. They chucked briefly at the synchrony of their actions, Meredith blushing and looking down, whilst Derek just continued to watch her. He lead the conversation, "so I want to start off by saying I love you, and I'm praying to god that what I say today won't change your feelings towards me even more than they've already been changed." Meredith gave a small nod, "so what was your reason for doing it then?" She knew he had two things to explain, the first being why he left New York in the first place, the second why he cheated on her. She realised that the two were interlinked, although she knew the latter was the worse of the two offences. Derek took a deep breath before speaking again, "I thought you cheated on me" he confessed. Meredith's face dropped, she didn't know what to think, she was confused, disappointed, hurt, and most of all, completely outraged. "I know it was stupid of me", he jumped in before she could say anything, "I just managed to convince myself that you had done it, but I know now that you would never do that to me." Meredith turned away from him and put her head in her hands, Derek slid over to her and started rubbing her back to try to comfort her. Meredith stood up to avoid the contact with him, her eyes were watering but she was trying her best not to cry. "How could you ever think I would cheat on you?" Her voice came out angry, and she was glad because she didn't want to be weak in this moment. "Do you know me at all Derek? Three years of marriage and two of dating and you still don't know anything about me! Cheating is the most repugnant, disgusting, and disrespectful things you can do to a spouse, I would never in a million years even think about cheating on you. Do vows mean nothing to you?" She was shouting now, but she took a deep breath to calm herself, "well I guess death really has parted us - the death of this marriage. Please leave." She said calmly. Derek stood up and started to protest, "no please Mer, don't do this, don't give on us." She walked towards the living room door, signalling for him to walk out. "I don't have to, you already did. Now please leave." Derek gave a sigh of defeat, hung his head and walked out. He glanced back at her as he exited the front door, but all he could see was a sliver of her as she closed the front door behind him.

Meredith was heartbroken, she thought Derek was the one person who truly knew her, but clearly that wasn't the case. She wanted to call Mark, but knowing him he was out at some bar picking up a girl he'd only just met. It was for the best though, she needed to learn how to be more independent and to deal with situations like this on her own. She went upstairs, grabbed her phone and started playing all of her favourite sad songs. She jumped in the shower, started washing her hair, but gave up halfway through. She sat down in the shower, with the water still running and her music still playing and just cried. She thought back to the weeks before Derek left New York for Seattle.

 _It was five o'clock in the morning and Meredith had only just gotten home from work. She was exhausted. Yes, she had had a bit of a nap in an on call room, but straight after that six patients consecutively crashed and she worked hard to revive them. Two of them died, she did everything she could and she had to remind herself that it wasn't her fault. Meredith went straight upstairs to her room, wanting to just collapse into bed and go to sleep, but as she walked in she saw Derek sitting up, seemingly waiting for her. "Hi," he said smiling at her "how was work?" Meredith dumped her stuff on the ground "good" she replied simply, too tired to have a full conversation. She started getting ready for bed. Once Meredith had her pyjamas on and had brushed her teeth she climbed into bed next to Derek. He leaned over for a kiss, so she obliged and gave him a quick peck then she snuggled back into the bed, pulled the covers up and closed her eyes. She felt his hand on her cheek as he slowly caressed it with his thumb, "Mer," he said softly. "Mmmm" was all Meredith could respond, already starting to drift off to sleep. "It's been almost a month" he complained. Meredith turned on her side with her back facing him, trying to get comfortable "tired" she replied as she snuggled further into their bed. Before she knew it she was fast asleep, oblivious to the world around her. By the time she woke up far into the afternoon Derek was gone, despite it being his day off._

Meredith knew she had been distant in their marriage- she had just started a new job for god sake! Derek should have been understanding of that, throughout the years of him stressing and studying for all his exams and all the times he had a freak out over work, she was always there to support him and do whatever he needed. Derek knew how hard it was to be an intern, he of all people should've been understanding. But no, all he did was jump to conclusions. Meredith sighed and pushed her hair off her face. She stood up and turned the shower off. She turned off her sad music and turned on some more empowering music. She was determined not to be a victim, yes she was mad at Derek, madder than she had ever been, and he sure as hell was going to know it. But she wasn't going to mope around feeling sorry for herself. No. She was going to be strong. If her marriage was a sham then she was going to do something about it, she was going to have to get over Derek. She knew it would take time, but the first step was accepting that it was officially over. Derek could not redeem himself from this.

* * *

 _Okay, so I know this is a little short, but don't worry I have a lot planned, just wanted to get this posted before the weekend because I won't have much time to write. And don't fret about the fate of Meredith and Derek, I have a lot of grovelling and grand gestures planned._

 _I hope this is as good as you all expected, it's been a little harder to jump back into than I thought it would be, so I hope it feels continuous and not different. I may end up re-writing this chapter if I decide I'm not happy with it, I just didn't want to leave you with nothing as I'm going away next week for a while and probably won't be taking my laptop (but will be writing more chapters on my phone)._

 _I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, if you have any feedback (please keep it nice and constructive) or anything you want to happen, let me know and I'll try to implement it into the story. :)_

 _Thanks so much for reading, and please don't forget to review!_

 _girlinabar xxxx_


	12. Chapter 11

When Meredith woke up the next morning she knew what she needed to do. When she met Derek she was a confident young woman with no one to think of but herself, she used to know that she was smart, beautiful, and a good person. But somewhere along the way she had lost that confidence in herself and she came to rely on the opinions of others, in particular Derek. She knew she had to get back to being her usual self-reliant self who didn't need any validation from anyone but herself. She realised that the best way for her to start feeling good about herself, even when she truly didn't, was to make herself look good so she could at least gain back a bit of confidence. She had read that forcing a smile for twenty minutes could actually make people start feeling happy, so she figured she would have to fake it till she made it, starting with working on her outer-self to fix her inner-self.

Mark had been true to his word and hadn't come home the night before, which meant that Meredith had the house to herself. As she got dressed she took a long hard look at her clothes; anything that didn't make her happy she was going to throw away. This, inevitably, resulted in Meredith throwing away the majority of her wardrobe except for a few essentials she had to keep. Once she had finished getting ready she headed out of the house and towards the centre of town. With the realisation that she and Derek still had a shared bank account she went to the most expensive shops. She bought an entirely new wardrobe, one that would make her stand out and shine instead of fall into the shadows as she had been doing the last few years. She had her hair cut, coloured, and styled, every inch of skin plucked, waxed, and massaged. By the time she was finished she was barely recognisable, she looked and felt like a whole different person. As she did her shopping she found that she started walking a little taller. She held her head up high and smiled to herself. She knew she was going to be okay, she didn't need anyone but herself.

As Meredith pulled up to her house after her shopping expedition her good mood started to dissipate rapidly. She could see Derek's car parked outside her house, and she briefly considered driving past him, but she knew there was no point. Besides, she wasn't afraid of him, and this was her house, she wasn't going to avoid going to her house- Derek would simply wait for her to come home. As she parked her car she saw Derek getting out of his car. She took a deep breath to steady herself and got out her car as well. Derek immediately started approaching her, but she simply walked towards the boot of the car to retrieve her many bags. As she was taking her bags out the car Derek started speaking, "I see you went shopping" was all he managed to say. Meredith rolled her eyes "yup" she said curtly as she took the last of her bags out the car and then shut the trunk of the car. Meredith looked Derek over for a moment before she proceeded to pick up her shopping bags and walk to the door of her house. She noted that his eyes looked sad and pleading, but at that moment she really didn't care. He deserved to suffer, she thought. He had made her suffer for months and all for nothing. He made her think their marriage was real when it was really just a sham. She put her bags down outside the front door, crossed her arms and waited for him to say something, but all he did was stare at her wide eyed. "Well? What do you want?" She finally broke the silence. Derek's eyes raked over her as he ran a hand through his hair. "Can we talk?" He asked, motioning with his head towards the house. "I think your actions have spoken louder than any of your words ever could." It was harsh, but she honestly didn't care. She was done trying to mend what he had broken, she had to start focusing on herself for once instead of worrying about everyone but herself. "Please don't give up on us, give it a second chance, give us a second chance." His desperation apparent in his voice. Meredith let out a bitter laugh "you gave up on us when you abandoned me to live here, you gave up on us when you chose to believe that I would do something so disgusting as to cheat on you, you gave up on us when you actually did cheat on me. I gave us a second chance when I gave up my life in New York to work on our relationship, I sacrificed everything to try to make it work with you." Her voice was getting louder as she was getting angrier, "So don't," she emphasized the word 'don't', "say that I'm the one who's not doing enough, because all you've done is lied and cheated and then expected me to come running back to you the second you decide you want me again." She took a deep breath to try to calm herself down before any angry tears managed to escape her eyes. "I'm done trying to make this relationship work, I'm done putting in all of the effort into this relationship and trying to make us a family. You'll hear from the lawyers soon, but in the meantime please just leave me alone." When she finished her speech she unlocked the door to her house and opened the door, as she was about to enter her house Derek grabbed her arm to stop her, "I'm not giving up on us, not anymore, and I'll do everything in my power to get you back." Meredith moved her arm out of his grip and looked him squarely in the eyes, her eyes ferociously firing with anger, "I think after everything you've put me through I deserve to be given some space, you're no longer welcome in my life." She turned away from him before he could have the opportunity to say something else, walked into her house and locked the door behind her.

A few hours after her altercation with Derek, Mark finally arrived home. Meredith was sitting in the kitchen studying, when she heard him come in she looked up and saw him standing there. "There's something different about you," he said suspiciously. He moved closer to inspect her while she looked at him questioningly. "You seem…" he paused searching for the right word, "happier." Meredith laughed, "I am," was all she replied, still smiling. And she was, ever since letting go of the responsibility of mending her relationship with Derek she had felt a thousand times better. Focusing on just herself had really done her wonders, she should have done it months ago instead of clinging on to Derek and the pain that came with him. "Well this calls for a celebration!" Mark exclaimed excitedly, jumping up. Meredith smiled, "Okay, what do you want to do?" She closed her books and started clearing away her things. "The bar I went to last night had tons of hot chicks, lets go there, I need to get laid after dealing with the stupid interns today." Meredith laughed "fine but interns are not stupid!" She protested, "and don't you forget that I am one of 'stupid interns', as you call them." Mark rolled his eyes and extended his hand to her, "alright, get up, go get ready to go out." Meredith grabbed his hand and stood up, "and who knows, maybe you can get one over on Derek and get with a really fit guy," Mark smirked. Meredith laughed and hit his chest "yeah, okay," she said sarcastically before she left the kitchen to go get ready.

Half an hour later Meredith emerged from her bedroom. She was wearing some of her new clothes- a short black dress and a pair of black strappy heels. Her makeup was light but sophisticated and her hair was down and wavy. She carefully walked down the stairs and looked for Mark in the living room. "Okay, I'm ready." She dropped her hands on her thighs. Mark turned to look at her and his eyes widened, "wow, Mer, what's with this new look? You look hot!" Mark exclaimed. Meredith laughed, "thanks, I'm just trying something new, I want to get back to being my old self." She paused and smiled, "you ready to go?" She asked Mark. He replied in the affirmative and they were soon leaving for the bar.

An hour later Meredith was sitting at the bar by herself while Mark chatted up some random girl in a booth. She took a drink of her beer as someone approached her and leaned on the bar next to her, "party for one?" He asked looking over at her. "Looks like it," Meredith responded without looking at the guy. "Think maybe we could expand it to a party of two?" he asked hopefully. "Actually my friend is waiting for me," She pointed towards Mark with her thumb as she turned to him. As she turned around she noticed Derek walking into the bar and looking at her. Meredith had to stop her mouth from dropping open into a gape before she turned to look at the guy next to her for the first time. He was cute, she realised. "Actually he looks kind of busy, maybe we could expand this party," She smiled at him and outstretched her hand, "I'm Meredith." The guy smiled back and shook her hand, "Finn." The two spent the rest of the evening talking and having a good time amongst each other's company. Meredith had noticed Mark leave a few hours earlier with some girl, and so Finn offered to drive her home. Meredith accepted and they stood up to leave. As they were walking towards the exit Meredith caught Derek's eye, he looked sad, disappointed, and betrayed. The look made Meredith's stomach drop and her heart squeeze. She looked away, reminding herself that she wasn't doing anything wrong and she was allowed to move on with her life. She turned to look back at Finn, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She smiled and took his hand as they walked out the door and towards his car.

When they pulled up to Meredith's house she turned to him and smiled, "thanks for such a great time tonight." She moved to get out of the car. Finn put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Wait, do you think I could maybe get your number?" He asked her. Meredith was surprised he asked her this, "I, um, don't know if that's such a good idea, I just got out of a serious relationship-" Finn interrupted her, "hey hey hey, no pressure, how about I give you my card, and when you're ready you give me a call sometime," Finn reached into his pocket and handed her a white business card after writing his personal phone number on it. "Oh, okay, thank you," she took the card from him and smiled at him "see you around." She said before she got out of his car.

The next day Meredith was going about her day as usual, not actively trying to avoid Derek but glad she hadn't yet seen him. She was walking downstairs to collect some paperwork when she finally saw him. She was a few steps above him as he was going upstairs whilst she was going downstairs. She looked at him before continuing to go down the stairs when he spoke up, "it looked like you were having fun last night." Meredith was slightly taken aback, it seemed as if he had done a complete 180 from their conversation the day prior. "Yep, I was," she replied simply. "Did you sleep with him?" He asked coldly, Meredith's eyes widened. "I really don't think that's any of your business," she paused, "besides it's not like you haven't slept with anyone else." This time it was Derek's turn to be taken aback, "and I've apologised for that, two wrongs don't make a right Meredith." Meredith laughed bitterly, "I really don't think you're in any position to be lecturing me right now. I deserve to have some fun after the hell you've put me through these last few months." She crossed her arms. Derek scoffed, "that doesn't mean you have to sleep with the first guy who gives you the time of day." "No, but it means I can," she moved past him and continued walking down the stairs before turning back to look at him, "and he wasn't the first guy to give me any attention, he was just the first to catch my attention." She smiled smugly before she continued on her way.

* * *

 _Okay so I know it's been a while but I've been having some issues writing this story and it's taken me like a month to write this chapter. When I first started writing it I half intended for Meredith and Derek to go their separate ways, but that's stupid and I want them to end up together. But, because I started writing it a certain way I'm going to continue on with that and hope it reads well. There are grand gestures coming, as well as a lot of jealousy._

 _I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP, but I have quite a lot going on right now. Ya girl is going off to university in a month, and I have become_ _ **obsessed**_ _with the new netflix movie To All The Boys I've Loved Before and have ordered the next two books in the trilogy, as well as three other books. But the good news is that they help give me inspiration._

 _Okay, I'm going to stop rambling now._

 _Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, thanks for reading and remember to review._

 _girlinabar xxxxx_


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